Pause and think

   During the last week of December we had been to Mangalore. The entire ghat section was filled with huge lorries transporting  petrol and gas. We got stuck behind them, could not overtake them since the  roads were very narrow and this increased our driving time by an hour or so.
Today when I was driving to work I was thinking that all  lorries should be banned on the roads of Bangalore, since I was stuck behind a huge lorry transporting iron rods. Now that I have reached office, and I am sane, I have realized that all these are essential services.

The BBMP guys who pick up waste, without them our dustbins will always be full. And one day they dont turn up, U can see overflowing dustbins on the  roads, with dogs fighting over the garbage. They are doing us a service.

The truck, lorry drivers who have a bad reputation of spreading AIDS, deserve a Sashtanga Namaskara . They leave homes, live on roads, transporting essential stuff like milk, petrol, veggies, fruits , cars and what not. Our nation will come to a standstill without them.

Then the construction workers, who are actually paid a mere sum of 200 Rs a day, risking their lives to build flyovers, apartments, drains. They are  underrated and under paid.


The maids whom everybody complains about  zero loyalty, not punctual doesn't work properly blah blah, she is also a human being, who does all the dirty work which we ourselves don't want to do in our houses. How do you expect her to give 100% everyday, when she might have got beaten by her husband the previous night.


The Traffic/  Police, I know they are fat, corrupt lazy etc. But think of standing in the sun for 8 hours a day,drinking carbon monoxide you realize their worth. But yes corruption is not an excuse for all this.

Then the sales people at Big Bazaar, Central, Total etc , they fold and refold clothes seen by us, arrange things pack things , bill things for us , amazing amount of patience is required in their job.

Lastly our BMTC drivers, conductors,  driving monsters , without  power steering, rock hard brakes and clutch, with full capacity and within time limits in such bad traffic everyday with just one day leave per week.How many of us want to be in their shoes?

And finally here we are software engineers in A.C offices, driving 2/4 wheelers eating pizzas, dining out  every week, watching latest movie every now and then, changing jobs, buying houses and in general doing everything   we want to do .
Apart from helping the economy by spending  on stuff, and employing support staff like maids, day care, hous e keeping we absolutely do no service to nation or society.Have you paused today to think about it.?

Types of Drivers

  I spend good 80 mins on road while commuting to  work and back . And I thought , I will classify and list the  kind of drivers I meet here:). Note the drivers are classified based on the  available sample .

Type 1: I am busy, I am in  a hurry 

You can find them on 2/4 wheelers. They honk all the time. They switch on the ignition when the timer reads 10 secs to green light By any chance you don't start your vehicle when the timer reads 5 secs to green, they start honking. They drive with purpose., and can rest only when  they reach the destination.You can find them squeezing through small places, in between vehicles when there is a traffic jam, so that they  get to move first when the jam clears.They drive as though, they are in a race and they have to come first. They drive with 100% concentration, without talking to co passengers. They act as though they are doing dome Yagna, and not just driving.I suggest you drive behind this driver not ahead, since he will always make place for you .Just follow him but maintain a safe distance.

 Type 2: Journey is important, not the destination.

This type of driver is generally a jolly good fellow. He might drive at  30 kms /hr even when the  road is empty
and he is on flyover. He will be  happy to give anybody and everybody  space. He will drive at his own pace , and will get irritated if people honk at him to move faster. This driver generally is admiring the road, reading the boards of shops , talking to his co passengers. Just sigh that he has all time in the world and overtake him.

Type 3: Don't challenge me by overtaking me

This kind of driver is generally going at admissible limits. But his ego is so inflated, that you overtake him and he will get pissed off and not rest until he overtakes you and gives u a maniacal grin. Stay away from such divers, they are half psychos already.

Type 4: I am itching for a fight

This kind of driver drives closer, breaks rules, jumps signals, and is ready to abuse  you with filthiest words at slightest pretext. He is sick , stay away. Give him way.

Type 5: I am super man

This kind of drivers generally  drive autos. They will drive zig zag, slip between two buses, mount on foot paths. Overtake  and give a taste of roller coaster to their passengers. They think they are actually incarnations of super man. Give way, he  will never grow up to face the  reality.


Yours truly falls  into Type 1 and Type 2 based depending on the  mood of the day.

Mind your English

 I am not an authority of  English language. With computers and MS word, I think I have even forgotten basic spellings, but I am proud to say that with all my years spent on Wren and Martin grammar book, I  spot grammatical errors a little too easily.

Now coming to this ad in the radio where in a husband  comes home late, and he says he was in conference room and network does not catch there, and the wife says then catch this and throws vessels. I guess its DO como 's ad. I was horrified to know  that the ad maker has not even realized that Network does not catch is not proper English.

When we talk to fiends, or family I guess its alright to do such obvious errors, but come on its on Radio and nobody told that poor guy that it is wrong English:(

Wishlist on a cold rainy day!

My wish list  on a   cold rainy  day

1. Drinking a cup of  bisi bisi  filter coffee the moment I brush my teeth and come in to the kitchen
2. Sipping the  coffee  slowly by watching the morning unfold through the balcony, wrapping blankets over sleeping kids and hubby.
3. A declared holiday just to my office.
4. Watching kids play , fight, fall over each other, all the while reading a juicy fiction.
5. Eating hot anna, saaru, Akki happla sandige for lunch.
6. Sleeping with  a child on each side, their hot breath  and small hands around my neck under the  blanket.
7. Drink hot coffee and eat  home made khara bun for snacks.
8. Watch the night set in and curl up with kids by 9pm.

My take on what a woman wants

• After PP wrote  about what does a woman want, I thought let me also add to PP’s list.

1.       

1.        A magical  pill when taken will always keep you slim, no matter what you eat. It should be a one time drug,   and not expensive at all.

2.       Healthy skin, healthy hair

3.       Healthy happy children.

4.       A good collection of books.

5.       Some Magic wand, by which the house becomes spotless.

6.       Recipes which always come  out perfect,

7.       Some machine which folds clothes.

        What do you say , asking too much?

Musings from my morning drive

• Girl in the  Volvo, sitting next to window, I know that you think you are pretty. Stop doing the silly gestures, since there is no Rajesh khanna around.
• Dad with two kids on scooter, please please drive carefully, and don't squeeze in between two heavy vehicles. Our children are our responsibility
• Aunty on the bike with her office going son, have fun till his wife comes.
• Bus Driver digging his nose, please stop. And I am glad , I am in the car, or else your prasad would fall on my head.
• Guy who is in the car next to me and shouting using blue tooth, calm down , take deep breath.
• Fashionable lady with an ugly frown in a swanky BMW next to me, its ok stop frowning. There are at least 20 of us admiring your BMW.And for everything in this world you need to pay a price.

Critical 5 minutes

This morning, I came back from my walk and stood in front of the  lift to my  apartment.It was in fifth floor, and milk guy had blocked the lift at each floor to deliver milk,I realized at that moment that I was 5 mins late from my walk and due to the  milk man, I am stuck for 5 more minutes.

The point is those 5 mins spent at the base of the lift, I kept worrying about the tasks which needed to be completed.I had a choice of thinking better things , like my kids, or just go out again and smell the fresh air. But I dint do it.

Getting back to work has made me forget the finer aspects of Life.

Driving during rain in Bangalore

Last evening, it was pouring cats and  dogs and what not. So I left my office at 5.30 pm, just when the rains have stopped. So one kilometer from my office, there is a huge jam under the flyover. Basically 2 huge lorries decide that they can go faster if they drive in the opposite lane, and block the  traffic.So vehicles from all directions have collected under the flyover ,and nobody is able to move. Now unfortunately for me, I was at the a point, which had a huge pothole behind me , so people kindly had left around 10 cms gap behind my car.So this goonda kind of a guy comes, he gets down from his bike and tells me start reversing madam, u get into the  pothole, leave place for 2 wheelers coming from the  opposite direction, lets not waste time. I told him, this pothole looks more like a small well, and i wont take the risk of reversing in it. He gets wild and starts banging on my windshield,by that time another ambassador comes perpendicular to my car, and he says if i donot get into the pothole, he will ram in to the car and drive away.They were talking in Hindi with me, and muttering in kannada, thinking that  I do not know . They were actually saying, who gives women cars, just bcoz they  have money they will get cars and make everybody's life hell Women should not be allowed to drive.

I was scared, but then dint want to accept defeat, The ambassador guy started calling me names in singular terms (tum) instead of (Aap), without giving even the  basic respect .I said to the  Ambassador guy, now in Kannada that look, ram into my car,I will switch off my engine and I have noted your car no and I will complain to the police. You think, I am not gonna complain just try . Then to the Goonda, that look you need not be self appointed police, go mind your business. Just bcoz I screamed people became all right, they stopped abusing me , anyway traffic took another 20 mins to clear, till then they were giving me bad looks.

The point is, just because I am a women, I cannot be taken for granted. I can drive as bad or good as any other man. But it left me shaking. I was very very scared, and also angry. I feel the  road belongs as much to me as to you.And how can somebody threaten me in my own city. Luckily I dint show that I was scared, or else people would have taken advantage.

A Thank you and a Sorry.

 I have started working. Now how I mange, how the kids are coping up, I will reserve it for another post. This morning, I set out to work ,which is a half an hour drive from home. 5 mins from my home, a  lady who was going on the bike, with her husband told me, that the wiper of my rear glass was on. I thanked her and switched off the wiper. It stopped midway and I had to get down to correct it. But thought will do it once I reach office. Forgot all about it. Was busy driving while surfing FM channels. At a signal light, I heard a noise from the rear end of my car. I decided whoever has hit, will have it from me. Turned back to see  2 guys on scooty. Switched off my car and he started coming towards my window, and he said, I just pushed your wiper back. And before I could say anything he went ahead. Anyways I started my car, chased him and said Sorry and also Thank you.
The point is why is it , that  the first thing that comes to my  mind, is something or someone is bad. Probably the road, traffic people have turned me into a cynic.
That is the reason, why I need my dose of kulla, and kulli every morning, they make me see the world in a different way. 

Bollywood dance and Kids

 My kulli is almost 4 year old. She loves to dance. Luckily her playschool makes her dance only to kiddo songs. I do not watch any music channels, hence she isnt addicted to sheela or munni. Believe it or not, I had not heard them for a long time. Its only last month, that I heard them @ my parents house. Kulli has strict instructions that she should not sing those songs @ home, since they are bad and its not for small kids. Luckily I know other catchy songs, like ichak dana, lakadi ke kati, so I can easily distract her.But in the party hall of my apartment, during Bday parties, parents themselves make the kids to dance to these songs. And I also wonder for how long can I shield her from such obscene songs?

The point is, its very very sad that kids of 4-6 years old, have to dance to such obscene songs and copy the steps, without knowing the meaning. And also as adults, cant we find any better ways to entertain them? On voicing my concerns, my neighbor said,  dont do such serious parenting. I am sending my kids to bollywood dancing. There is nothing wrong, it improves concentration. I was Flabbergasted . What happened to age old classical dance classes. There are so many dance classes in Bangalore. Not a single one, is worthy of your child?.

I am myself not against  bollywood, its just that I feel it should not become a sole means of entertainment for our kids. And anything obscene is obscene, weather the child understands or not ,at least we adults do understand isnt it. Tell me whats your take on this.

I want to be my GrandMom

When my grand mom was young, she did not go to school, did housework all day, looked after her siblings and was married by the age of 12.She married my granddad who had a very strict mother, who actually taught my grand mom her way of doing things, assisted her in all her childbirth and her recovery from it and also looked after her kids.Now I am not saying my Grand mom's mother in law was a goddess from heaven, she obliviously had her own way of hurting my grand mom, but at least she supported my grand mom in every hardship she faced.My grandmom did not have to bother about working, since women did not go to work.She need not bother about money, coz she had very limited desires due to very limited exposure.In general, she led a very contented life, since she stuck to   cooking, cleaning, washing and trying to keep the ""Pati Parmeshwar" happy.This was the story of my paternal grandmom.But my maternal grandmom though she did all the above, she filled her daughters with desire to study and go to work.She made sure that they studied hard got good marks and got a job, so that they neednt ask their husband money as she did.
My mom studied hard, got a post graduate degree, got a job and married.She and my dad had dreams to give their children much more than what they had as children.Grandmom thankfully looked after me and my sis when we were small and supported my mom in her career.My parents worked hard built a house, bought a car by the time I was 6, put us to best schools, and gave us vacation twice a year.During my childhood I fondly remember the vacations which my dad had meticulously planned , though there was no internet.The hotel rooms which were booked much in advance still makes me feel grateful to the vacations my parents took us to.Of course we did not wear branded clothes, did not have hi fi toys, but we made sure that we have just enuff of what all was needed, not too much, nor too little.My parents never pushed us for anything, they gave us freedom to study what we wanted and thus I caught up the Engineering bus and became an engineer.
I finished my Engineering, got a job in a MNC and like most of the Bangalore ans,became a software engineer and got married to a boy my parents chose for me.I  changed companies, worked late, got pay hikes, just like my husband who also worked late.I traveled on site on work, made money and then realizing that my biological clock is ticking had a baby.Now having no support system as my mother had, nor the heart to leave a small baby to that day care I am at home.
Again back to square one, I am doing what my grand mom was doing during her days.I am at home, doing what she was doing.But the difference is, I have worked so ,I know the value of money.I am stressed out, coz probably at the back of my mind, I am jealous of my friends who have excellent support system to fall back.I cannot be content like Grand mom, since very week there is a new sale , new car, new jewelery shop being launched.I am worried that other women who work might judge me as some one who was not serious about my job.I am worried that my husband S might feel that he works all day while I am at home.I feel insecure if my house is not clean coz people might remark that I am at home all day and still manage not to find time to do house work.I am scared that my daughter someday might feel that, if I worked like other moms probably she could have had a better life.I feel bad that my parents gave me education, and here I am not putting it to any use.  But deep down , I know that probably I am doing what has to be done.Probably I am being wise for being there for my daughter when she is small rather than retiring early when she is in her teenage and dosent want  me around.
But still I wish I was in my Grand mom's generation, when I dint have to be worried or apologetic for choosing  not to work for  being just a wife and mother.

Feel like a Failure Sometimes

 I have been feeling like a loser from past few days. Cant blame the PMS , since its not that time of the month. I am 30, with no job and 2 kids. I needn't feel like a failure, bcoz S can and will feed us and take care of us.But deep down I feel inadequate. Men of my age, my own classmates. have moved up in career, have bought homes, have traveled continents, and few are new fathers too. But where here I am, finished engineering, worked for a year, got married, worked for 2 more years, had a baby and quit. And again joined back to work after a year and half  and again quit to have another baby.
Nobody including S did not ask me or even force me to have kids. It was purely my decision to have them, and quit working and be with each of my babies at least for the first year.So it was purely my choice , but still whenever I meet somebody especially a man, of my age, I  feel little envious, of  his job, of  his house, his sense of achievement, and also the respect he commands.
As a woman, I feel nobody acknowledges that bringing up 2kids with almost no help is a big deal. Lot of effort, sweat and even blood goes in raising kids. I feel its easier to work in an office, but  its very very difficult to stay @ home and literally engage both the kids through the day. Whenever we happen to attend a function, S is called a "Complete  Man". just bcoz he carries  our kids, earn well and still takes care of them. But when I was working after my daughter was born, nobody called me a "Complete Woman". In fact  I  was accused of neglecting the child and getting back to work, when I dint have to earn a living. I just hate that nobody acknowledges the work a woman does in the house, let alone appreciate it.

Things Mom said, but I dint realize

Saw this from a nice blog, but I am unable to link her blog here. So here I list some things which my mom told me when I was small but somehow always ignored what she said, but I hope now when I say the same things to  my daughter, she  will follow it.:)

• Always  wear a good pair of  underpants. I have met  with nasty accidents twice in my life where my clothes tore and my underpants showed, thankfully I was wearing  a decent pair both the times.

• Be presentable, i.e Dress well always. I have gone to the  neighboring shops near my parents place and also now near my apartments, wearing clothes which are faded, and met somebody whom I know and felt ashamed about it.
• Oil your Hair. I still do not do it regularly, and my hair has lost the healthy look which it had.
• Cook little extra. I have been time and again embarrassed , when I have cooked just enough and some one asks for a second serving and  I have none to offer.
• Good sleep is the  best remedy. I still do not follow it, its 12 already and I am not in bed, though I have to get up to feed kulla once before 5 am and again be up by 6am to cook.This has given me huge Dark circles.
• Life is too short to hold grudges.I too know this, but somehow cannot bring myself to stop holding grudges against few people.
• Nobody is perfect. This has made me accept friends , colleagues, relatives as they are, and just shrug off , if they hurt me or disappoint me in some way.
• Do not carry Garbage, throw it. She still tells me, forget the past, don't carry your hurt, anger and regrets thorough  your  life, move on. But I cant shake off few things and still spend many nights brooding over and crying over it.

Silent night

Its around 10:30pm , I have cleaned the kitchen, and put my kulla into the cradle, and sit to catch up some news on net, just then i hear my kullli narrating nursery rhymes, alphabets, months of the year, days of the week and so on. in her room. In the other room I can hear S giving a virtual training session to  his team mates who are based in other part of the world. And all of sudden , my kulli stops the rhymes, tells her prayer, the usual " Ramaskandam" and sleeps.All this happened on a span of 10 minutes. Probably S has also finished his session, and the house falls silent. And all that I can hear is the  sound of my laptop keys as I type.

Language Problem

Disclaimer: I am a peace loving, law abiding citizen of Democratic India. And I do love all languages.

  All through my life until I got married I lived in Old Bangalore, where all of us spoke Kannada, since that was our Mother tongue and so was it of others who lived around our place. Bangalore expanded, I got married, moved out of core Bangalore and settled in new Bangalore for work and day care reasons. Now though I am a SAHM, the ease of commute to work from home, makes me put in these new areas.
Now the problem is I stay in an apartment complex, which has people from all states, obviously each of us speak a different language @ home.So when I meet ladies outside, in the play area or while dropping my daughter to school, they start talking in Hindi.  I answer them in English. Then they ask me how come u dont talk Hindi, you should learn.This is when my blood boils .I tell them look, you haven't learn t Kannada which is one of the easiest language in spite of staying all these years in Bangalore. And do note Hindi is not Rastrabhasha as you think. And if u do not know English fine with me, but do not ask me to learn a language, when I am not forcing you to learn mine.

 S feels I sound like an activist when I tell these to people, but I feel, come on, how is it alright for some one to point fingers at me, when I don't at them.

Most of the  Kannadigas  are very accommodating, we learn all languages,we converse in the language you want , have made you feel @ home. But our government which is all scam ridden runs on Kannada language, so don't complain, ask for help people will oblige and translate and even do things for you.So you go to any office, you feel handicapped that you do-not know Kannada and everybody speaks in Kannada , do some thing about it than cribbing.If you feel the maids who work for you, and the housekeeping staff speak only Kannada and have difficulty in learning your language, all I want to say is you being educated cannot learn a language, or finding it difficult to follow, then why complain about  illiterate people.

 I guess I have ranted enough for the day.And my dear readers I am not Bal thackreys cousin, or even remotely related to him, I am just a Proud Kannadiga, who cannot be taken for granted all the time.