Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Feel like a Failure Sometimes

 I have been feeling like a loser from past few days. Cant blame the PMS , since its not that time of the month. I am 30, with no job and 2 kids. I needn't feel like a failure, bcoz S can and will feed us and take care of us.But deep down I feel inadequate. Men of my age, my own classmates. have moved up in career, have bought homes, have traveled continents, and few are new fathers too. But where here I am, finished engineering, worked for a year, got married, worked for 2 more years, had a baby and quit. And again joined back to work after a year and half  and again quit to have another baby.
Nobody including S did not ask me or even force me to have kids. It was purely my decision to have them, and quit working and be with each of my babies at least for the first year.So it was purely my choice , but still whenever I meet somebody especially a man, of my age, I  feel little envious, of  his job, of  his house, his sense of achievement, and also the respect he commands.
As a woman, I feel nobody acknowledges that bringing up 2kids with almost no help is a big deal. Lot of effort, sweat and even blood goes in raising kids. I feel its easier to work in an office, but  its very very difficult to stay @ home and literally engage both the kids through the day. Whenever we happen to attend a function, S is called a "Complete  Man". just bcoz he carries  our kids, earn well and still takes care of them. But when I was working after my daughter was born, nobody called me a "Complete Woman". In fact  I  was accused of neglecting the child and getting back to work, when I dint have to earn a living. I just hate that nobody acknowledges the work a woman does in the house, let alone appreciate it.


  1. Hey Musica! Cheer up!! Well, people may not openly acknowledge you, but then they surely envy you for what you are and do appreciate you.... Just that their ego comes in their way to appreciate someone so capable as you :)

    Let me tell you, spending time with your kids, and raising them as you want to cannot beat any kind of success in career. Well, I've not had that experience yet, but am longing for it... This is something that does not come again, whereas in career, you can still have all the success, may be a couple of years later than others...

    And to cheer you up, read this post of yours again -http://musicasmusings.blogspot.com/2011/01/kulli-speaks_28.html
    Your kids will definitely appreciate their mom for her decisions :)

  2. Hang in there - know what you mean and have been there. Except I can't feel envious of the guys in my batch. I know I can still get back and do well at a job, if (when) I want. These years with the kids this age will not come back. And what you can give them - the security, the love and attention is something NO one else (even very involved husbands - mine is one) can give them. Please believe that your work is more precious than anything else...you are investing in 2 human beings, how can a bottom line compete with that?! :-D

  3. @ Sangi,
    Thanks Sangi,ya the time spent with kids is precious,and I do agree that no one can raise kids like a mother does.

  4. I can so relate to this. I am a stay at home mum -I took time off after daughter was born. Luckily for me, I don't feel bad that I don't work, but I do understand how it feels when people judge you either way. Being a SAHM is not considered a 'job' in itself, and that is so very annoying! I have realized that being a male oriented society, it is far easier for a man to get away with things than women. And far more difficult for us to get the accolades, even if we manage our work/life balance beautifully.

  5. @ Smitha,
    True smitha, either way you are judged even if you work or not work.